Consider finding a therapist to talk to, or joining a sober partners support group. Confronting alcoholism is a challenging process both for those abusing alcohol and their loved ones. As the partner of someone in recovery, it can be confusing and overwhelming. Perhaps you have just discovered that the person you love has a problem with alcohol and needs your help. The recovering addict needs to focus on sobriety and divorce rates after sobriety may not always be able to prioritize the relationship, and his or her spouse must understand this. Of course, the addict’s ability to maintain sobriety will be essential to your ability to maintain the marriage as well.
- Support groups are another helpful resource, where you and your spouse can learn from the experiences of others and receive support from those who have been where you are.
- When you focus on marriage and sobriety, you can often become bogged down.
- But I’d become a mother, and mothers aren’t allowed to be that kind of crazy.
- Yeah, like, Hey, this is really hard for me.
Treat the Marriage as a New Relationship
- I began to resent my husband.
- The lessons we learned are not gender specific, and the ebook is applicable for husbands of alcoholic wives in recovery, and same sex marriages as well.
- After all that they’ve been through together, they have high hopes for a rosy future and easier times ahead.
- I didn’t want her to not want to hang out with me.
- So like from a husband’s perspective, whose wife has quit drinking?
- Infidelity, borne of such impaired judgement, only adds another layer of hurt and mistrust in a marriage already strained by alcohol misuse.
Like, you know, you need to you know, it’s one thing for you to say I’m not gonna drink any redder wine. Another thing for you to be like, I’m just rip shit at you for having you know, red wine with Christmas. All right, but I’m not gonna say anything to you, but I’m just gonna be rich, it needs to just be really honest about like, you know, at some level, I’m like, why don’t you tell me what you need?
The non-addict partner
It was exhausting and a perfect recipe for further enmeshment. It was an emotional cat and mouse game more than a relationship. First, attending a family education program offered by a center while my husband was attending its residential program.
The Right Treatment Facility
Did give that I that was, you know, once. I think that was kind of like, I was so happy to find out that I was still allowed to, like, keep beer in the fridge. Like, it didn’t, didn’t have to change like that, pardon me forever that I would, you know, I don’t drink red wine, which is your thing anymore. It makes a lot easier to make sure it’s not around. Right, that, you know, I just decided that I was going to, you know, say, hey, that’s just not something I?
- The non-addict spouse may have high expectations for long-missed intimacy and be disappointed when it doesn’t materialize.
- Getting sober after years or decades of alcoholism was like promising not to pour gasoline on the charred remains of our house after I burned it to the ground.
- Go on dates, be completely honest with one another, and try to treat the marriage as a new relationship.
- Um, I could not have gone to the winery in the early days to live music that would have been just like pure torture.
- I mean, I think that it’s, that’s definitely true.
- Sometimes people discover who they really are in recovery and grow apart.
- That could include individual or couples counseling when necessary for relationship tune-ups, or checking in regularly with their support groups.
Codependency can also cause the non-addicted partner to unwittingly enable unhealthy behaviors, which may encourage substance use and addiction. The caretaking partner in codependent relationships may also assume this unhealthy role in other relationships as well. But the stress that comes along with constant arguing can become a trigger for the person living with SUD to use drugs or alcohol. Substance use within unhappy relationships can also become a downward spiral that can be difficult to get out of. One (or both) partner’s substance use can become the source of arguments.
Tips for providing support
He learned state statutes and regulations, and studied counseling practices from several angles. This eventually led him back to school for a degree in psychology. Lyle was VP of a 6-county homeless coalition and a founding member of the Mental Health Action Team in Miami-Dade County. He has served as a Consultant & Licensure Specialist to numerous facilities and has served as a Drug Court Panel member. Your husband or wife has chosen to stay and support you because they care.
What Is Crank Drug? Addiction, Dangers, & Treatment
And there is a whole lot else in this episode. And when you’ve been in a marriage like that for years, and your partner is still sort of perfectly competent. In a lot of other areas, there are certain parts that, you know, you just decide to not talk about. So, if you’re listening to this, this conversation is part 2. If you want to listen to the start of our conversation, go to Episode 71.
